Today I forgot about an online meeting with my client from America. We had to talk about updates (I work as a consultant), but… I was lying in the bathroom, drowning in meditation instead. The phone and laptop were far away, so I didn’t hear the call.
After remembering the scheduled call, I jumped like a rocket and ran naked to my laptop to take it to the bathroom.
“Sorry, I’m late; it’s my fault,” I told my client with a smile. When he noticed me sitting in the bathroom, he laughed. And then, we started talking about the project. The conversation was fruitful because we joked, laughed and so on during the conversation. Because my mood was good. In the past, when I missed something or made a mistake, I would get angry at the whole world.
For example, when I lived in England many years ago, I was once late for work. I got nervous; that’s why I accidentally spilled hot water on a client’s shirt. (I worked as a waiter.) It was an awful experience…
The manager made a few harsh jokes at me, and all the staff laughed. I got angry and raised my voice against the manager; it caused tension. My manager complained to the boss. A chain reaction has begun!!!
I thought, “What happens if I get fired?”
The rest of the day, I was talking to myself, “Why is this world so shitty? If the alarm clock on my phone was louder, the day would be much better!” So for all the events, I blamed the cell phone, the whole world—just not myself.
The human race is a funny thing. We’re always looking for something to pin our mistakes on. It comes from an unwillingness to take responsibility for our actions and find out in times we’re wrong. In my years of coaching clients, I’ve noticed a few common patterns when it comes to the ways people blame others in order to avoid taking responsibility for themselves. Here’re 17 reasons why people blame others:
1. They think that they are more clever than others.
In old times I frequently used to blame others. Every time I did it—after blaming another person, I felt better. I thought I was better. It was an illusion. Actually, I was too lazy to take responsibility for my own life.
2. They are afraid to take responsibility.
People blame others when something goes wrong because it takes responsibility off of them. This behaviour has become normalized in today’s society, but if we want to make any progress as a society, then we need to learn how not to do this. Blaming others only makes you look worse, and your problems go unsolved. Instead, take the initiative and acknowledge that you made a mistake and try your best to fix it rather than shifting the blame onto someone else who didn’t even cause the problem in the first place.
3. It’s fun for them.
Some people think that it’s a fun thing to do. Of course, it could be funny to blame others if you talk about it in a standup session, but if you blame everybody each day, it’s a big problem.
4. They lack education.
Few of the educated will allow themselves to blame others. When I talk about education, I am not talking about what many readers have thought—I’m talking about education related to values.
5. It’s easier to blame others than change themselves.
People are taught to think that way. Their bad decisions resulted from following other people’s advice, not their own ideas and beliefs. The blame game is a way of thinking that has been passed down from generation to generation. A parent might pass it on to their children, telling them that everything bad in life happens because of other people’s mistakes.
6. They can’t think logically.
When you can’t think logically, it’s hard to understand what exactly is happening.
7. They want power over others because they feel powerless in their own lives.
When you feel weak and irrelevant, you want to compensate for it in some way. So you start proving in different ways that you still have value. It isn’t something that should be done. I tried, but it made the situation worse. Because by blaming others, you cannot increase your worth—become more significant.
8. Structured society.
People were never taught how to solve problems independently, so they think that relying on others is the only way to survive.
9. To get back at someone who hurt them.
There were times when I loved revenge. If someone was bad to me, I gossiped about them how bad they were. I was acting this way because I felt offended. But only weak people feel offended.
10. Because they want to make themselves feel better.
It’s so important to them to protect their self-image, so they love putting themselves in a more positive light.
11. They are narcissists.
They are selfish, so they don’t care about anyone else.
12. They want more attention.
Being this way allows them to get more attention than they would otherwise get.
13. They don’t want to change themselves.
Oh yes, we’re surrounded by many people who try to change others and think the least about their own changes.
14. It’s easier to blame others than change themselves.
15. They follow a wrong mindset.
Each person has a different way of thinking, but everyone can be assigned to a group where members have certain human qualities and are guided by similar values. Some groups have few people, and others have more. The largest group consists of people with the wrong mindset.
16. They think that other people don’t need help, when in fact, they do.
In the past, it seemed to me that only I was having a hard time. So it seemed to me that other people weren’t particularly worried that I had offended them. But often, those people felt worse than me. Only I had no sympathy to understand it.
17. They like to play the victim role.
|Playing the victim is a role that some people take on. When someone pretends to be a victim, they seek attention and frequently use it to manipulate events and others. It’s always the fault of someone else when things go wrong for them. They refuse to accept responsibility for their involvement in the situation. They will capture people’s attention by playing on their emotions and gaining their attention.|
Many people develop a victim attitude as a result of their circumstances. If you feel that the world is conspiring against you as a result of prior traumas, understanding how to quit being a “victim” might help you reclaim power.
Five reasons why it’s so important to stop blaming others.
My life only changed after I stopped blaming others. Because when you stop working this job—you take responsibility, you start to act. And when you begin to act, you begin to see real changes. Therefore, for those who like to blame others, I suggest that you remember these facts:
- Blaming doesn’t help you learn or grow.
- Nobody pays you to pour dirt on others!
- Blaming wastes time and energy.
- Blaming prevents you from positively influencing the situation.
- By blaming others, you can’t create an image of a respected person.
What to do when you want to stop blaming others. A technique that worked for me.
The most significant changes took place in 2013. At that time, I was assisted by a mentor who worked with me at least three times a day. The training consisted of practice, theory and…
“Alex, are you saying I have to pay the teacher a lot of money?” one of the readers will interrupt our conversation. I have an answer for him. Dear reader! This blog is a great place where you can change while visiting (if you come back every day)! Oh yeah, one way to change and stop blaming others is to be with me DAILY! You can call me your mentor! And if you don’t have time to come back every day, then know, I’ve written a free PDF book! Download and use it! Plus, subscribe to the newsletter! Find the newsletter block and leave your email! This way we will get to know each other better! I believe that the closer we get, the more benefits you will gain from me!
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