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How to get rid of people who are pulling down


I’m sharing an intimate conversation with my interlocutor in messenger. (Some sentences have been changed, but only to make it easier to read.)

Dan: How do I get rid of people pulling down? Because I read in the book that it’s important to surround yourself with successful people. And now I fail to surround myself with successful people because I’m among unsuccessful…  

Alex: I understand; it’s hard for you. Tell me more about how people are pulling you down.

Dan: Variously, emotionally. They suggest drinking a beer etc. Get on my nerves with their problems; they push them to me. For example, my cousin keeps saying that I’m not helping him. 

Alex: Okay, if you want to get rid of them, I’ll help! If you’re going to get rid of problematic people, send them as far as possible. When one of them calls you, don’t pick up the phone. Pretend that you are busy! Your life is the most important thing in this world, and the life of others is worth nothing, so act like garbage and don’t answer the phone because your value is wowmuch higher than others!!!

And if there are those close people who f*ck your mind, pull you down, get you depressed, then give them up too! ANSWER, why do you need to communicate with your parents? It’s not fashionable these days to respect your parents, so act like a cocky, selfish person! That’s not all!!! You’ll get even more sarcasm in a moment!!! Just tell me whether you have kids. 

Dan: I don’t have; why are you asking? 

Alex: Have you heard of people who get rid of newborns, leaving them to freeze outside the door of a shelter? Why do you think they are doing this? Sure, because children cause a lot of worries! Everyone knows that children need to be cared for, and you don’t want a burden! Why do you need kids pulling you down? Think for yourself what will happen when you have children… How will you feel about your child’s sad mood???? What if he starts taking drugs? Will you get rid of the baby? Answer me. 

Dan: No, I would not get rid of the baby… Well, good, Alex, are you saying that one doesn’t have to get rid of people who are having difficulties? 

Alex: Yes, there is no need to get rid of them. Since the goal of getting rid of people is meaningless but well-publicized, many believe in it. In the past, I also thought I had to get rid of everyone who had problems, but that was nonsense. Think for yourself; if I wanted to get rid of those pulling down, I wouldn’t be communicating with you! Don’t you see the difference between us? Besides, you are trying to squeeze a profit out of me? You’re asking me for advice, right? After all, if I were a selfish asshole, I’d send you to hell and look for new friends who would pull me up. I would expect them to allow me to take me safe under their wings and help! I was looking forward to being able to take advantage of other people. I was one of those people who didn’t show initiative. But why do this? Why be a hanger-on?

Dan: Are you not looking for people who are pulling up? Who would be more successful than you? 

Alex: First of all, it would be hard for me to find such. Second, my purpose in life is not to beg for a favor. I’m so strong that my goal is to help and pull others up. 

Dan: I understand that you are helping me a lot at the moment. Indeed, I’m a hanger-on that tries to ask for help. But why are you helping others and me? 

Alex: Imagine what if Tony Robbins decided to get rid of the people dragging him down? He would lose the purpose of life! Because great people are only those, who help others, not those who run away! Therefore, the well-known phrase, “If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people and then everything will be wow,” needs to be removed and replaced with a much better phrase, “Become a person who helps others!”

Understand that when you help others, you become a successful person that many people want to be with! So ask yourself what is the purpose of your life? Do you want: a) help people make their dreams come true, or – b) do you want to get rid of people to become an ordinary bumpkin who runs away from weaker people, who have emotional problems, and consider themselves unsuccessful? 

Dan: Good question. I want to help people!

Alex: Great, great! By the way, how do you treat drinkers? Do you avoid them? 

Dan: Yes, I try to avoid and not communicate. When they call, I don’t answer the phone because they will suggest drinking again when we meet.

Alex: I pick up the phone for such people. Although it’s challenging to communicate with them, no one wants to help them… Therefore, my goal is to be around! Because good people behave like that: THEY STAY NEAR! Though sometimes you really want to send them to hell, a person’s strength lies in their ability to understand and help, not in trying to get rid of them. On the other hand, these alcoholics are trying to take care of you! 

Dan: They are looking after me? I think you are bending the stick… 

Alex: I know it’s hard to understand, I have non-standard thinking, but I’ll explain everything right away! Remember when you were at a party with one of your alcoholic acquaintances. Do you remember it? 

Dan: Yes :). I remember.

Alex: What is his name, the name of a drinking man? 

Dan: John.

Alex: Do you know why he suggested you to drink?

Dan: Why?

Alex: You were boring!!! John wanted you to relax, have fun! In other words saying, “YOU COULDN’T PROVE TO JOHN THAT YOU CAN RELAX WITHOUT ALCOHOL!” The truth is, often abstainers look boring sitting with their heads submerged.

Dan: There is truth in that.

Alex: Therefore, it’s hard to admire people like you, Dan. You despair, and alcoholics talk, dance, and play… That’s why they want to help you! They believe alcohol is a good way to relax. As a result, they are constantly trying to slip something more than just alcohol. So if you get sad at parties, you will get various suggestions to drink or take coke. That’s why it’s worth learning to have fun without alcohol :). When they see that you are relaxed and are going out to have fun without alcohol, they will have questions about what good happened to you. If you learn to enjoy life better than them, they will become your students. And so far there is nothing to learn from you, so they still offer you a drink… So the problem is with you! As long as you’re grumpy, everyone will feel like you’re pulling them down! So be maximum inspiring, and John, along with other alcohol slaves, will want to experience what you are experiencing! And then you will inspire these people to change!   

Dan: I understand, I understand! So what should I do? 

Alex: Work on changes in thinking. Strengthen your personality. Become a super strong person that even the most furious people can’t break! Be stronger than them, man! Be inspiring, man! Be strong enough to inspire thousands. Be strong enough to pull them out of the bottom effortlessly!

Be nobler than your enemies are
With a diamond-like peace stun them
Wider than the ocean, larger than cities
Which will take centuries to build

Oh yes, let them experience the breakthroughs of goodness
Let your truthfulness shock them
Leaving a desire in their eyes
To open their heart wider/more than you do

No, (I) am not better than the other
I am not, I am not; there’s no denying it
I read the words, reminding myself of the path
To defeat my enemies, entrenched their rooooots in my personality

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