What is self-identity, and how to become perfect?

Self-identity is 100 times more complicated than you think.

At the same, it has bonuses you don’t know about yet. For example, correct self-identity can give wings, and mistaken one can clip them… 

Therefore, I suggest delving into the structures that form self-identity.

What is self-identity?

Various methods can influence self-identity. There are thousands of methods, but most do more harm than good.

For everything to be okay, you should first become an analyst. It means seeing yourself through the eyes of other people. I will tell you how, but first, we need to find a common understanding of the term we’re talking about; finally, we need to understand if we’re talking about the same, right?

Types of self-identity

There are many different types of self-identity. For example, actual self-identity, ideal self-concept, social self-identity, expected self-identity, ideal social self-identity, and imagined self-identity. 

The most interesting one is the imagined self-concept. 

Imagined self-concept is how you imagine yourself or how you imagine others value you, which are amazingly abstract things. It’s difficult for us to understand our true self-concept because it’s quite abstract. This isn’t math, so when evaluating yourself, your imagination comes into play, and it can kill you, i.e., decrease or increase your self-confidence. 

“But how to soberly evaluate yourself?” you will ask. 

Pay me $10,000, and I will do it all for you! Ugh… Well, okay, not everything is so simple. Unfortunately, I have money so I won’t take it from you. So, instead, I will tell you how to solve this question yourself. 

I tried it myself, and it worked, so it should work for you too. 

So what’s the first step?

The first step is to look at yourself through the eyes of others. Oh yes, I suggest you rely on them. Why? Because other people’s eyes see better. (We’re not talking about business success, but about humanity. And if you want business success, you need other solutions.)

Or maybe I’m wrong, and you should evaluate yourself only by yourself? Okay, think about that cheeky classmate or teacher who was getting on your nerves for years. Those people thought they were perfect. They were convinced that they were wow. So they smeared their self-identity with honey and gold as if they were narcissists. Because it’s so easy… In other words, all those donkeys and rebellious passersby live under the illusion that their self-identity is correct.

This is so common that I have met only a few people who are able to evaluate their self-concept soberly. Therefore, for those who want to understand themselves and form the correct self-concept, I will say, “One of the best solutions is to consult other people. Just ask them what they think of your identity. And you will find out what you don’t expect to hear!” 

I remember someone saying I was a selfish asshole. 

Eh…

…

By the way, a note to those who like spicy. 

Go to your enemy and ask him, “I know I gave you a hard time that time, but can you tell me what you think of me? What should I change in myself as a person?” 

And they will tell you the truth. 

And that truth will be real. 

Even if you don’t like it.

This doesn’t mean that others are smarter than you because they also evaluate themselves wrongly. And only you can tell them the truth about their identity. 

Why is this happening? 

Because when other people evaluate you, they think about real values, but when evaluating themselves, they use different rules. 

By evaluating you, they evaluate your: 

– Physical appearance
– Physical abilities
– Generosity
– Intellect
– Attitude
– Social status
– Spirituality
– Success in business

But when evaluating themselves, they use other concepts.

I know it’s weird, but it’s how it is. 

I will give you an example.

Example of self-identity

For example, when I was a punk, I thought my worth was based on whether my style was unique. And others I evaluated by whether they were good personally to me.

Therefore, I expected others to be kind to me while I focused on my external style. That’s why my everyday life consisted only of clothes, metal music, and crest. I wanted my crest to be beautiful. I have tried many methods. For example, to make the hair on my head stand up, I would apply liquid sugar. Damn, my expected self-identity was crazy. And I hated everyone who disagreed with my way of thinking. I believed 100% that my self-identity was perfect, and I will never change it. And today, my expected self-identity or self-concept is different.

Today I often tell myself, “I’m everything and everyone. I choose all positive values. I choose different goals. I choose money and meditation and… I choose materialistic and non-materialistic values. In the mornings, I’m minimalist, and in the evenings, I’m maximalist. In the mornings, I’m vegetarian, and at lunch, I’m a carnivore.” 

I chose MIXED self-identity. It never stays in one place. It has many frequencies, levels, and heights. I live in different cuts.

I don’t try to be only funny or only smart or only friendly. I don’t try to work only for myself. Each day I work for some people, and at the same time, I work on more than 32 of my own businesses. For example, I’m an SEO expert, and sometimes I sell my consultations to people who want to be successful on Google. And at the same time, I work on my own SEO.

I know someone will laugh, but I will say it, “There are moments when I say to myself, ‘I’m perfect.’ However, I say this with healthy irony, with a smile on the corners of my mouth.”   

Yes, sometimes I look at myself through rose-colored glasses, but I take them off every day (at least for a while) to not drown in illusions. This is very important; otherwise, you cannot grow as a person. 

And if you don’t learn it, you’ll work on bad values ​​like I did when I was a punk.

I’m not saying all punks are stupid, I’m sure some punks look at themselves sober, but I wasn’t that smart. And today, everything is different. Everything changed only when I began to appreciate the ability to evaluate my values, work, and achievements.  

Because the more soberly you evaluate yourself and the more clearly you understand what others evaluate you by, the more soberly you can define your self-identity. And the soberer you understand who you are, the clearer your expected self-identity will be. And the clearer the expected self-identity is, and the more realistic the image will be in front of your eyes, the clearer it will be which methods of achieving your goals are worth using.   

Additional material:

Self-Identity Problems
Sources of the Self: The Making of the Modern Identity
Ego is the Enemy

Q&A

Self-identity theory components

Carl Rogers, an influential psychologist, is largely responsible for the development of what is now known as self-identity theory. Rogers is credited with being the originator of the concept of a self-concept, which may be defined as an individual’s way of thinking about themselves, their activities, and their place in society. It is a widely accepted concept in the fields of psychology and sociology. According to Rogers, people look to their own behaviors and accomplishments to validate the assumptions they have about who they are. They compare who they are now to the person they would like to be, the “ideal self” they have envisioned for themselves. So in his opinion, a person’s sense of self is constructed by the roles they play in their life. Also, it’s influenced by many other aspects of an individual’s life, such as one’s self-esteem and social identity, amongst many other things.